First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
