sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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