My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
