How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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