Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
even my farts smell like vagina
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
