what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
