guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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