Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
