You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
