How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
