Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
