he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
