The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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