my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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