I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
