the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
