The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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