We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
