why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
