i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
