We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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