Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
