I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
