So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
