just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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