I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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