Whod you bang
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
