Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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