it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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