And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
