Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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