You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
