do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
