Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
this hospital has no fireball
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
