I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
