Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
