Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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