I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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