i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
