whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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