Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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