Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
