Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
