he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
