I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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