Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
