i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
