Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
