i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
