So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
