The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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