About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
